Tuesday, May 22, 2007

The Past

Everyone has things from the past that they have overcome - fights they have fought, battles that were won. But it seems those victories are shaky. That when we least expect it those enemies will raise their swords and once more take up their plans to destroy what we have fought so valiantly to gain - and we step out on the familiar battle field confused and wondering why we're here again.

Depression. Fear. Addiction. Self-loathing. Guilt. Shame. These things and more are the enemies that creep up to sit on your shoulder, whispering their destructive lies in you ear. On one side sits Depression, its weight pulling you down. On the other is Guilt or Shame. Their oppressive presence strips you of your dignity and causes you to question your worth, your value. And you sink lower.

So how do you break free? How do you gain the ground that you once thought you had overcome? You pray. You believe that in Christ you are free. You hold on to the promise that nothing - not death, life or circumstances - can separate you from the love that is in Jesus. And here's my favorite part. We have proof of our self worth. We know our value, our price. That while we were yet sinners (and still are) He - Jesus Christ, son of God - died for us.

I've struggled this last week with hauntings from the past. Stuff that crept up on me and attacked with a vengeance. I guess I needed this reminder and I'm sorry if it comes across as preachy. But this is what I know and what I've had to hold on to. Is the battle won? Yes. Will I be at a place where I struggle and question again? Most likely. Am I any less of a person because of my shortcomings? No. I'm flawed. I'm imperfect. I'm a mess. I'm loved. I am who God created me to be. And He's still working on me, thank heavens. It's nice to know I'm a work in progress. That means there's hope for me yet!

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