Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Kids say the Darndest Things

My kids are a constant source of entertainment and amusement for me. I'm never quite sure what will come out of their mouths. I have found myself in grocery store lineups, restaurants, church etc., when all of a sudden something comes spewing out that shocks me to embarrassed silence, has me laughing so hard I can't stop or causes me to smile and my heart to warm. Here are a few of those moments.

Benen, my three-and-a-half year old, looked my good friend in the eye and said, "You got nipples." We were sitting in a restaurant with my parents, brother and good friends. I almost spewed my water across the table. I was desperately trying to deny what he said while my frantic brain scrambled for an excuse. After many questions, to which he insistently and loudly repeated himself, I finally figured out what he was saying. My friend had a cold and he was trying to say, "You've got the sniffles."

Benen comes running to the bottom of the stairs and yells, "Mom! Connor needs you!" Apparently my five year old thought he needed my assistance in the bathroom. I yelled back, "Connor is five and he's more than capable of wiping himself!" What do I hear? I hear Benen saying, "Connor, you're five and more than capable of wiping yourself!"

We led worship in church on Sunday and I had just sat down when the children were called to the front. The pastor was talking about words and how sometimes bad words can hurt people. Then he asks, "Do you ever say bad words?" Without missing a beat, Connor pipes up, "I don't, but my mom does!"

My youngest son, Kolten, is 19 months. He took five steps tonight....and I missed it. That'll teach me not to grocery shop!

I was tucking my oldest boy into bed when he tearfully told me he was sad that his dad had to go to work the next morning. I reminded him that dad goes to work every morning. He said he wanted his dad to stay home instead and I asked him why. His response was, "Dad plays with us in the mornings and all you really like to do is sleep." He said it really sweetly, while one hand patted my cheek. And in my defense, I only sleep until maybe 8:30, 8:45 at the latest. I just am NOT a morning person. So I'm sleepy until that first cup of coffee hits my system.

Well, those are a few moments in the last little while that stood out to me. There are many more, but it's late and I need to get to bed. Something tells me there will be two little bodies scrambling onto my bed at some ungodly hour, earnest eyes staring at me, begging me to get them a bowl of Rice Krispies. And since I have to feed them to keep them alive, I'll drag my sluggish butt out of bed, pour the cereal and milk and then wait while the coffee maker drips me a nice, strong espresso!


Marianne Arkins said...

"I don't, but my mom does!"

**wiping tears of laughter from my eyes**

That is the funniest thing EVER.


The Mailman's Wife said...

ROFLOL! Oh Shauna, I am sooo glad that internet is everywhere. I would REALLY miss all these priceless stories.

Kolten is WALKING??? *Sigh* I can't believe my little one will be a year old in a week. It REALLY does go fast. Anyhow, thanks for sharing your stories. They make me smile.

Jenster said...

Oh my gosh, Shauna!!! This post is gold! GOLD!!!

I don't remember the last time I laughed so loud while reading something.

The first comment made me laugh because, well, you know I don't have those since my reconstruction yet. So I would totally be confused! LOL

And I don't believe for a minute that you say bad words. Or not really bad words. LOLOLOL!!

It doesn't seem right that we stay home in part so we can be there for all the firsts and then your baby goes and has a first while you're gone! *sigh*

Barb said...

This is why Jesus wants the little children to come to Him--they're hysterically funny and he can learn so much about their parents! :oD

Jenster said...

Too funny, Barb!!!

Shauna said...

Marianne, it was even worse when the whole church burst out laughing. Then the pastor turned to me and said, "well, the truth comes out." LOL!

Miss, Kolten's isn't exactly *walking*. He walked for Chad, but when I tried today, no siree. He will not take one step!

Jen, LOLOLOL! Are you planning to get some nice tattoos?? LOL! And my "bad words" usually consist of Christian cursing, such as "Stupid driver!" LOL!

Barb, ROFLOL! Children certainly keeps us humble!

Shauna said...

And Connor's comment in church was just the spinach-icing on a brussel-sprout-cake-kind-of-day! LOL! I was trying to lead worship, but after *accidently* licking the microphone (my lips were chapped and I missed) and then bashing said microphone into my front teeth, *sigh* it was good to know God still works even when I don't! LOL!

Jenster said...

spinach-icing on a brussel-sprout-cake-kind-of-day


As for the "tattoos" - eventually. LOL Near the end of August I'll have nipples reconstructed and then eventually I'll get them tattooed for color. I was thinking about getting them pierced ala Janet Jackson since they're not real and have no feeling! What do you think??

Jenster said...

Forgot to say my cursing was always stuff like "bonehead!" which, of course, both kids promptly picked up. LOL

Shauna said...

Jenster, get the piercing! I say you might as well make the most of them! Dress those babies up. LOL! And it's PAIN FREE!!

I was watching Miami Ink last night and now I really want a tatoo. Two problems.

1. They use needles.

2. I'm not sure there's a place on my body I like enough to decorate. LOL!

Jenster said...

I've been toying with having a pink ribbon tattoo on my ankle, but I just don't know. I don't think I love the idea enough for something that permanent.

I'll let you know what I decide about the piercing, though! LOL

Barb said...

I think you should have a breast tatooed on your ankle, Jenster. Everyone wears ribbons of some kind, but not many people have breasts on their ankles. Great conversation starter too!

Jenster said...

Shauna - I'm so sorry for bringing your blog down this low road. lol

Barb - If I got that tattoo I'd always be thinking of Lenny Kravitz. A few years ago Taylor was asking me about that guy with the "boob tattoo". I had to have him clarify - is that a guy with a tattoo of a boob or a tattoo on his boob? So you see, I don't think that's a good idea.

It would definitely be a conversation starter, though!

Shauna said...

Shauna - I'm so sorry for bringing your blog down this low road.

Are you kidding? I haven't stopped laughing!! You gals are too much fun!

Barb, where do you get these ideas?? You are hysterical!

Barb said...

Ya hafta understand--I spend a lotta time with sheep, Shauna. The conversation isn't too high-brow, so my brain tends to over-exercise! Jenster, I bet Lenny Kravitz doesn't have a breast on his ankle tho! :oD