Thursday, January 10, 2008

Jeff Foxworthy

I was just forwarded this and had to share. It is SO TRUE!

Forget Rednecks, here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about Canucks:

~ If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you may live in Canada.

~ If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in Canada.

~ If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Canada.

~ If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Canada.

~ If "Vacation" means going anywhere south of Muncie for the weekend, you may live in Canada.

~ If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Canada.

~ If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Canada.

~ If you have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again, you may live in Canada.

~ If you can drive 90 kms/hr through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you may live in Canada.

~ If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Canada.

~ If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Canada.

~ If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you may live in Canada.

~ If the speed limit on the highway is 80km -- you're going 90 and everybody is passing you, you may live in Canada.

~ If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you may live in Canada.

~ If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you may live in Canada.

~ If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you may live in Canada.

~ If you find 2 degrees "a little chilly", you may live in Canada.

~ If you actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all your Canadian friends & others, you definitely live in Canada.

I only have two things to say. First off, Dairy Queen is open year round where I live and you will find people ordering Blizzards during...well, a blizzard. We also drink Slurpees in -30 degrees.

Secondly, the four seasons are exactly right. In my opinion, the worst time to drive is during the spring ("still winter") when the roads are covered in water and slush. You can't see the potholes which, if I'm being honest, are more like craters. I've damaged a car that way.


The Daily "B" said...

These are hilarious, funnier if they are true.

Canada sounds like another world! I can barely take the snow for a small trip, let alone 3 seasons long!

I bet when summer kicks in it's beautiful!

airingon said...

That is funny!

Enough truth to really appreciate the funniness of this country.

Your right, only in Canada do we need our DQ blizzards at -40C.

Only in Canada is -10C a balmmy day from Dec.-Apr.

Becky said...


That sounds reminiscent of Jeff's and my life in Minnesota, too. (We've done a few of those same things, lol.) I would add to the list that if you've ever changed an alternator outdoors in 15 below weather, you might be a Canuck (or Minnesotan)

When we lived there (for several years during and after college) the DQ near our home was closed down for winter, and Christmas trees were sold in their parking lot. Around that same time, I worked at a fast food place on my college campus, and we served milkshakes and ice cream in 30 below weather.

Now the college kids that wore shorts and t-shirts to come and get their shakes and ice cream, those were the ones we joked must be from Canada. Except that there were a couple of brothers from Alaska and another from far North Dakota that wore shorts in the winter, too.

Katybug said...

"If you have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again, you may live in Canada."

That could also apply to life here in Austin, Texas! Winter (if you can call it that!) mornings and early evenings can be quite chilly, but daytime hours are usually so nice. We hardly ever have to wear big coats...except for me. If it's below 65, I have a coat on!

And do you have chocolate ice cream at your Dairy Queens? We only have vanilla. So when we visited Massachusetts one summer and had a dip cone with chocolate ice cream, I thought I had died and gone to heaven.

Shauna said...

Deb - They are true. We have cold weather and snow from about October till April. Roughly. We've had snow in August. :-)

airingon - LOL! Yup.

Becky - Just yesterday my hubby wore shorts, barefeet in winter boots, and a winter coat when he went to start my car. I have a friend who wears barefeet in sandals all year round.

Katybug - I don't think it does have chocolate icecream. That sounds decadent, though.

Shar said...

It's kinda scary how true a lot of those comments were! It's -13 celcius today and everyone at work as been mentioning how nice it is outside. And the other night it was -23ish and my DH and I went out for ice cream at DQ. I don't even want to talk about how many people I know who have hit deer with their vehicles! *shake head*

Shauna said...

Shar - All this talk of icecream has me craving a Blizzard. Maybe I should slip my sandals on and head to DQ. ;-)

Anonymous said...

He obviously does not know what he's talking about. The Dairy Queen in my area is open year round. If somone calls and it's a wrong number I tell them that and hang up- why stay on the phone? I don't go on vacation south of Muncie. When someone asks me how far a city is I tell them in kilometres, not hours. I don't know anyone who has hit a deer, even once. I would never leave my house and garage unlocked! Everytime I see Americans here it is them who are the ones speeding. Driving is most definetly not better in the winter! Winter is only 3 months of the year and snow doesn't last all winter- the four seasons are not all winter- summer here is actually quite hot. Fall is nice as is spring. This one is the most rediculous: "If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you may live in Canada." That would never happen. He must think it snows 365 days a year here. Anyone who believes all those so called jokes is an idiot.

yasashiikuma said...

Our weather yesterday made re remember these comments by J.F. as I was discovered that the reason no one else was on the road I was on - driving 80 km/hr = was actually closed due to a snow emergency. My driveway was 2 feet deep in snow and needed 6 attempts in 4WD to get out - and yes when my friend was here from the U.K. (where they also speak in Metric) - I told him how far places were in 15 minute blocks!

Canuck said...

One of the Very Best things about being CANADIAN is our capacity to laugh at ourselves. ...Except for Anonymous, above, who evidently was born without a sense of humour, poor thing!

Bob said...

Jeff's Canada comments are just as hilarious as his " You Must Be A Southerner " remarks . LOL !!