Dirty, Rotten Monday

Right now I'm wishing there was no such thing as Murphy's law. And that 'Murphy' had never existed to create such a law in the first place. Because it always, without fail, proves itself true, over and over again; the baby starts screaming, the other kids start fighting, the potatoes boil over, the oven timer goes off, you step on a toy left in the middle of the floor. Just when you feel like pulling your hair out, the phone rings.

Here's how old Murphy smacked me upside the head today. I was unable to sleep last night and finally dozed off sometime after 4:30 a.m. Hubby's alarm went off at 6:30, kids marched into my room at 7:00 and I finally dragged my butt out of bed at 7:33. The part that really sucked? My baby slept in - slept in - until 8:13 a.m. He hasn't slept in in MONTHS! The one day he sleeps in just happens to be the one day I have to get up. I had to get all of us ready, Connor to school, Kolten to the sitter's and Benen to music practice. And all by 9:30 a.m.

You know how when you don't get enough sleep you get that achy, fuzzy headache and it feels like there are ten pound weights attached to your eyelids? That's what happened to me. I was fantasizing about a big long nap and barely managing to control the tears of exhaustion. Actually, I thought I was doing considerably well on one extra-large cup of coffee. That is, until Murphy decided to strike.

My kids rediscovered their harmonicas today and played with great enthusiasm. 'Nuf said.

She Said, He Said

She said, "Honey, I can't wait to go on vacation with you. We'll be like honeymooners again."

He said, "Not really."

***

She said, "I want to hold hands and walk down narrow streets filled with carts of goods and assorted treasures."

He said, "Sure, I'll hold your hand."

***

She said, "I want romantic nights under a star-filled sky."

He said, "Have fun. I'll be in bed."

***

She said, "What?!"

He said, "What? There's bugs and spiders and lizards."

*This was a real conversation between real people. No actors were used in the telling of this tale. No names were used to protect the not-so-innocent, but I'm sure you can guess the participants of this scene.*

Backhands & Scoops

I received a backhanded compliment the other day. I was talking with a young lady from one of the high schools here and, during the course of our chit-chat, it came up that I had a husband and kids. She looked at me strangely and asked, "How old are you?"

"Twenty-seven."

"Oh. You don't seem that old."

Ouch. I didn't realize 27 was that old. On the other hand, I'm flattered that I seem....young? Younger? *shrug*

So, here's the latest scoop:

CHAD...
is upset about the picture I posted of him here. He says it makes him look like he's....not playing with a full deck? A few bricks short of a load? Not the sharpest tool in the shed? You pick one. To be honest, I agree; it's not his best photo.

CONNOR...
is trying to convince me to pack up all three of them and drive to the toy store so he can buy a present for his friend's birthday. Um, no.

BENEN...
made this brilliant observation: "When you poop, it looks like you have a tail."

KOLTEN...
picked a piece of cheese over a brownie! Who's kid is this anyways?! And where did I go wrong?!

ME...
I'm counting down the days 'til hubby and I leave for Costa Rica. No diapers, no demands, no sharing my food, NO COMMITMENTS! I'll fly away, oh glory.........

Help! My Testosterone is Showing!!

Six years ago my husband walked in the door, announced "I'm getting old. I think we should have a baby," and being the obedient wife I am, I complied. And then couldn't get off the roller coaster. Nine months later we were blessed with our first boy; the other two followed in quick succession.

We were going to be great parents, I just knew it. We would raise them right, teach them manners and respect and about God.

I remember the shock I experienced when I walked into the living room to find my husband - yes, my husband and partner in parenting - teaching my two-and-a-half year old son to make farting sounds with his hand in his armpit. They were hooting and hollering, having the best time, while I was shocked and horrified! I had expected this from the uncles and had prepared my "don't teach my son that" speech, but this left me mouth-wide-open and speechless

Over the past few years I have come to expect a little barbarian behavior. I understand when they laugh after someone burps at the table, says the word underwear or butt (nothing funnier apparently), and the fact they see my furniture as giant launching pads.

What I'm finding scary is that I am starting to think it's funny, too. I get the jokes, I join the laughter, I encourage the running, jumping and wrestling. Can you get testosterone from osmosis or perhaps like some catchy disease? I swear its seeping in through my pores! Still, I have my limits.

I'm taking a little detour here to ask if anyone watches The Office with Steve Carell? My husband and I watch it on Thursday nights and although there are parts that make me cringe, it also makes me laugh.

Still, I was a little shocked to walk into the kitchen and hear this come out of my son's mouth.

"That's what she said."

And guess who taught him that?

Happy Birthday, Big Boy!

As promised, here are the pictures of Benen's birthday. I'm no shutter-bug and some of these turned out blurry, but it's all I got.

You're how old?? I don't know what's up with the intense look on Chad's face. LOL!

Ahhh, presents. Superhero toys wrapped in superhero paper. It's a boy's paradise. If you look behind Benen's head you will see my dad's feet. They're the ones with the pants rolled half way up his legs. My dad, business owner and fashion guru. LOL!

The unveiling. The look on his face is pure rapture. He got a Venom toy from his brothers.

If you can see past the glare, it's Venom and Sandman.

Yes, my child is wearing underwear on his head. Boxer briefs, to be exact. Why? you ask. Because his father thought it would be funny. He (Kolten) was not too impressed.

This is the Power Ranger cake I made for Benen. He picked out the pan and told me he wanted it to be the blue one, whose name is Maddison; we know this kind of stuff. It was a gluten-free cake made up of mostly blue and black icing. You can imagine what we all looked like after. It took me 3 1/2 hours to ice it. I am clearly not a professional, but he was pleased. Just don't count the number of fingers on his hand. ;-)

And here he is. What a handsome birthday boy!

A Soldier's Promise

I want to show off this novel because I think its author, Cheryl Wyatt is an amazing woman and a wonderful writer. I've been following her writing journey over at her blog and I shouted a "Hallelujah" when her first novel sold to Steeple Hill. A Soldier's Promise is being released January 1, 2008 and is the first book in her Wings of Refuge series. The book cover was recently posted at Barnes and Noble and I just had to show it here. It seems I've been waiting forever for this novel and the wait is almost over.

I love a good military story...who doesn't like a man in uniform?

Random, Part 3

Okay, this week has gone way too fast. I'm not complaining - it means the weekend is almost here - but I'm looking back at the past few days and realizing how little I actually accomplished. I haven't posted pictures of Benen's birthday (they're still in my camera) and I'm sitting here at 12:15 a.m. blogging when I should be making lunches for school. Oh, well. So, because this is going to be quick, it's going to be random.

*My baby's progression of disgusting habits (in order):

1. Eating off the floor - because food tastes better when he has to race the Swiffer Vac.

2. Eating off the ground - because dirt has minerals.
3. Playing in the toilet - because it's just a tiny splash pool.

4. Discovering the garbage can - because it's a trove of hidden treasures.

*Since my son discovered the wonders of the garbage can, I have had to rescue my Chapstick (the lid was on), a pair of Connor's jeans, Benen's underwear and Kolten socks. And all in two days. I'm not sure yet what is missing. I've also found him happily munching on scraped-off-the-plate macaroni. Blech.

*The other day, Benen stood on the toilet lid and watched me take out my contact lenses. He had a look of complete awe on his face as he watched me slowly pry the sheer film off my eye. "Whoa," he said. I milked it.

"Yup. Dad may be able to flip his eyelids inside out, but I can take out my lenses!"

He looked at me with complete hero worship and adoration shining from his eyes. Yes!

*A girlfriend and I once ate an entire (small) cheesecake. Nothing says "friendship" like shared gluttony without judgement.

Alright, I really need to get to bed and there are still lunches to make. 'Night.

It was a dark and stormy night...

...A murder was being committed.

She crept down the long dark hallway, her bare feet silent against the worn carpet. Fear pounded in her head, choking her breath. Would she be caught?

A sudden flash lit up the old house, blinding her. She froze.

CRASH!

Thunder rattled the shingles and a muffled scream escaped her trembling lips as she was again cast into darkness. Terror moistened her palms and weakened her knees as she leaned against the wall. Had the storm awakened him? She strained to hear over her pounding heart and the battering of the rain and wind against the windows.

Silent. Dark. The night seemed to suspend its breath in anticipation of the coming event. The lure of greed, evil and temptation pressed heavier, urging her on.

She slid forward, her fingertips pressed to the wall, steadying and guiding her. Almost there.

The door. It stood in front of her, illumined briefly by another flash of lightning. She reached out her trembling hand and grasped the handle. With a gentle pull, she inched the door wider. A lone light bulb flickered on, chasing away the thick darkness inside.

And then she saw him. He was laying there naked, legs apart, vulnerable and so close. She raised the knife. This is what she had been waiting for. Thoughts of this moment had consumed her days and tormented her nights. Now, it was finally here.

She reached out slowly.

"Honey, it's the middle of the night. What are you doing?"

The voice from behind startled her and she whipped around. The knife slipped from her grasp and clattered to the floor, barely missing her exposed toes. She had been caught.

"Um, making a turkey sandwich. Want one?"

So, I had a wonderful Thanksgiving. LOTS of family, food and fun. We ate till we were sick...and then ate some more. I enjoyed a feast of turkey, potatoes, stuffing, gravy, veggies (obligatory half-spoon), yams/sweet-potatoes, buns, and an assortment of salads.

Yes, salad. Believe it or not, I love this salad. Mostly because it has eggs, cheese, bacon and a thick cream sauce in it. It's a layered lettuce salad and does contain some actual green things, but when combined with the eggs cheese and bacon, and then covered in a thick creamy mayo dressing, well, it's just plain yummy. And it's got substance.

I also realized this weekend that it is, indeed, possible to have too much pumpkin pie. I never would have believed it, but my stomach is still protesting the assault I carried out on it. Do I regret it? Not really. Sure there was a penalty to pay, but the pain goes away after awhile. The memories, however, will live on. *sigh* ;-)

And last, but certainly not least, we celebrated my son Benen's fourth birthday. He's not actually four yet, but we took advantage of the whole family being together to celebrate his and my brother's B-days. I'm hoping to get some pictures up this week.

I don't have a great thought or witty comment to leave you with. I wish I did, but zilch. So tell me about your Thanksgiving weekend or Thanksgiving plans. Oh, and if you're wondering about the story above.....yeah, just a little turkey leftovers fantasy. I have mentioned that crazy things go on inside my head, right?

Teetering on the Edge

I can't believe I'm going to admit this. It's embarrassing really. Are you ready? Wait for it...wait for it....

I yelled at my baby today. Correction. I "raised my voice" at my sick baby. He's twenty months old and he's been suffering from a nasty cold for the past couple of days. But how much is a mom supposed to take??

He had been whining and crying for most of the day. He'd whine for some food so I'd put him in his highchair and place a snack on his tray. He'd reject the snack and start whining to get down. I tried feeding him all the things he liked but nothing seemed to satisfy him. Nothing, that is, except whatever I was eating.

Now, I'm the first to admit I'm territorial when it comes to food. I don't like sharing and I get a little squirm-ish if I see someone eyeing up my snack. I've learned to share small amounts with my children without resenting it, but I still have to do a mental pep talk and remind myself it's just a piece of food and they are my flesh and blood. After all, I'd die for them so I should be able to break off a morsel of chocolate without second...okay, third thoughts.

But I digress. Along with the continual whining, which wouldn't have been so bad on its own, he decided that today was the day to test all boundaries. He, quite literally, went from object to object getting into everything he knows not to touch. And what made it really intolerable was the look in his eye. I would say, "No, Kolten. Don't touch," and he'd put back whatever it was he had picked up. Then he'd look at me with this what-are-you-going-to-do look in his eye and walk straight to the next no-no.

I was soooo frustrated by the end of the day I decided to give another whack at the food thing. I put him in his highchair for supper and he immediately began to whine. And then the whining got louder. And louder. And then the other boys came upstairs.

"Mom, Connor told me I can't be Benen anymore?"
"I'm just telling him to be the bad guy."
"I don't wanna be the bad guy, I wanna be Benen."
"But then we can't play superheroes."

"Mom, Connor says I have to play superheroes."
"Mom, Benen won't play with me. What are you making? I'm hungry, can I have a snack?"
"I wanna snack, too. Can I have a snack."

Whine, whine, cryyyyyyyyy, bang, bang, screech.

The demands were growing, the baby was getting louder and I began to feel like a drowning woman who's head kept slipping beneath the waves. And then I snapped.

"QUIIIEEEEET!"

I've never seen my baby so shocked nor his eyes so wide.

"That's ENOUGH! Not a word!"

I proceeded to finish up in the kitchen and every time the baby let out a whimper I speared him with a look.

Now, anyone who thinks babies at that age don't comprehend much, are out to lunch. You are waaaaaay underestimating the ability these little ones have. I can look at my baby and say, "You see that cookie you dropped on the floor? I want you to go over, pick it up and put it right here on the table." Without batting an eye, he goes and does exactly what he's told. You can't tell me kids that age don't understand. I'll never believe that. Kids are intelligent and they live up to the expectations that are placed on them.

Again, I'm getting off track. Thankfully a few minutes later Dad in Shining Armour rode up on his trusty black diesel to save the day. Or at least salvage what was left of it. LOL!

Now, in my defense, I'd wager there's not a mother out there who hasn't lost it a time or two and demanded a little quiet. And if you're reading this right now and saying, "I've never done that," or "I'd never do anything like that," then perhaps you live in Stepford and bake cupcakes and cookies in cutesie dresses and high-heels.

But you can see I was pushed over the edge. And really, he's fine. I snuggled him before bed and sang to him and all's well. I'm just glad this day is over and we're at the start of a long weekend. It's Canadian Thanksgiving this weekend and I'm looking forward to turkey, stuffing, pie, chocolate, coffee and sleep. Lots of sleep.

Happy Thanksgiving! And if you're not Canadian, have a piece of pie on Sunday in celebration. At least it gives you an excuse. LOL!

Random, Part 2

I've been a bad blogger. Things around here have been crazy-busy and I find that every time I sit down to blog, my mind goes blank. Or there's so much mush inside it's hard to settle on one topic. So today, because it's really been too long since I blogged, you're getting another random post. A mish-mash of the things running through my head.

*I'm trying to organize a group to sing at a Drug and Alcohol Awareness night at the end of October. I've never organized something like this before. It's supposed to be "community" so I contacted the different churches and schools and asked for volunteers. I keep having this recurring nightmare of the big night arriving and it's just me standing on a black stage under the spotlight. Just me and a crowd of blank faces.

*Here is a list of things a mother never wants to hear:

Benen: "Mom, I punched a girl at church on Sunday." What?!

Benen: "Mom, this is awesome! Kolten can FLY!" Oh, no.

Connor: "Mom, you have a big booty." Yes, I taught him that word. Shame on me.

Connor: "Mom, Benen spit on a girl at church." Not again!

Benen: "Boxing........is for pain." Oh, brother.

Benen: "Mom, why are you so big." Should I answer that honestly?

Connor: "Mom, it was an accident." Isn't it always?

*Sometimes I secretly wonder if I could make it on American Idol. Then I think, probably not. The American contestants are really good. But maybe I could make it on Canadian Idol. Judging by past winners and finalists, the bar isn't set too high. Okay that's nasty, and some of the talent has been good, but mostly it's a mediocre show with mediocre talent. Not that there isn't good Canadian talent. It's the judges. Seems they cut all the great ones.

*I hate cats. Sorry if you're a cat-lover, but I just don't like 'em. They climb on your counters and table, drink from the toilet bowl, poop inside, scratch things and have serious attitude issues. Oh, and I'm allergic to them. My throat gets scratchy, my eyes get itchy and runny, my face feels tingly and my chest begins to constrict. It feels like I have a house sitting on my chest and I have to struggle for every breath. So maybe it's no surprise why I don't like felines.

The other day I ran into an acquaintance and we were discussing cats vs. children. She hates children. Fair enough. Maybe she has an allergy. LOL!

*I bought an elliptical trainer and we got it set up yesterday night. I lasted ten minutes before my legs and arms felt like jelly. It was a weird sensation to walk around and feel as though my appendages were not attached to my body.

*Criminal Minds is on tonight. That was the best season premiere of last week. Awesome! I can't wait to find out what happens to Gideon. This is one of the best shows on t.v. right now, along with House and Grey's Anatomy. However, I thought the premiere of Grey's was rather weak. We'll see how this season plays out. I'm hoping it gets better.

That's it. I've used up all my mental strength putting together this pathetic post and now I have to go make supper. I need a coffee.